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Johnnie Walker Blue Label

Lots of tones here

0 1032

TReview by @Tinia

9th Oct 2012

0

  • Nose
    3
  • Taste
    3
  • Finish
    1
  • Balance
    25
  • Overall
    32

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Distribution of ratings for this: brand user

First impressions of the box holding the bottle was very high quality with crisp edges, a quick check with the protractor however showed that the box was slightly out of kilter with a 90.03 degree angle on the front left corner, lurching all the way to a 90.09 angle on the back left corner. Poor.

I opened the box and removed the bottle. It appeared to be made of glass, with labels affixed front and back, and some kind of a lid. On closer inspection the glue appeared to be of good quality, however a quick sniff confirmed by fears - there was no mistaking the woody undertones with an overlying aroma of the essence of decaying cockroaches - [EDITED BY MODERATOR] epoxy resin.

At first glance the liquid inside appears to be a clear amber - this doesn't mean much to me - the water in my toilet bowl right now is a similar colour, and you wouldn't catch me drinking that! (well, not again anyway).

As I poured the whiskey into the snifter I noticed that the whiskey poured with an apparent viscosity about .14 times that of water, WTF??

The first taste was without added water.

As it first hit my tongue I perceived round and nutty taste, with elements of squareness.

As I swirled it round my mouth half a dozen times and gargled it for a few seconds I detected the distinct undertones of burnt hair from the anus of a grizzly bear, whale semen, and the distinctive stench of Bigfoots scrotum having been stuck to his leg for 2 days while engaging in intense physical activity.

As I further swirled this whiskey on my pallet I detected notes of turkish coffee [EDITED BY MODERATOR] and tobacco ash mixed with flat beer.

The final swallow made me think of the taste left in your mouth when you have just vomited while drunk on tequila [EDITED BY MODERATOR]. All-in-all a shit whiskey, but improves greatly with the addition of coke and a handful of ice.

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10 comments

@systemdown
systemdown commented

Excellent first review! At first I thought I should go out and buy a bottle immediately, given how delicious you've made this sound. On second thought however, there was just something about the poor spelling and lack of (or incorrect use of) punctuation which left a bad taste in my mouth (pun intended). Most glaringly however was the obvious misspelling of "whisky" which leads me to believe that this fine specimen is an imitation bottling either from Ireland or the United States where whisky is spelled "whiskey". Shame. I don't think I'd be able to find this in the shops. And just when I had my Coca Cola and ice handy, too. The wonky box just seals the deal. I would not pay that much for a wonky box. You've been had, my friend, I'm sad to say.

9 years ago 0

Tinia commented

Sorry for the spelling and punctuation - it may have been the nine tumblers of Johnnie Walker Blue and coke I had sunk in the space of 50 minutes. Or it could have been the shots of meths I was consuming as a "chaser". I imagine though that my "review" will be removed soon anyway...

9 years ago 0

@systemdown
systemdown commented

Ah well that explains it ;-)

Yes I would not expect this review to last, sadly. Looking forward to some serious reviews should you choose to hang around, though. Cheers.

9 years ago 0

@Wills
Wills commented

Although this review will offend some people I hope it doesn't get removed. I had to laugh seriously several times. I like this kind of humor :)

Btw it seems that you don't like the tasting note 'ass' quite a lot, just for your information.

9 years ago 0

@SquidgyAsh
SquidgyAsh commented

Haha interesting and entertaining "review" It's at least a little bit different from quite a few "reviews" that I've seen :)

9 years ago 0

@thelin79
thelin79 commented

Seems like a "unique" bottle indeed..

9 years ago 0

Tinia commented

Hey I'm glad to oblige! I have an extensive whisk(e)y collection, in fact I have a bottle of every single whisky featured on this site, and am therefore happy to post a review on the whisky of your choice :0)

9 years ago 0

@Wills
Wills commented

Ardbeg Galileo. With background informations plz :)

9 years ago 0

Tinia commented

Done. It took me almost a fucking hour to write so you'd better like it

9 years ago 0

@Connosr
Connosr commented

@Tinia thanks for the colourful and irreverent review. Sometimes whisky reviews can be quite serious, so a little humour and views that poke fun at whisky are fine. That being said we prefer the content on the site to avoid anything that could be misconstrued as offensive. If you could bear that in mind for future reviews we'd be grateful. In this case we had to make some minor tweaks to keep things the right side of the line. We hope you understand.

9 years ago 0

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