Saddened to hear of @Nozinan's loss.

I too am very sorry for your loss. I wish you the best during this difficult time.

@Nozinan, @Dramlette and I offer our deep sympathies to you on the passing of your father.

Please accept my deepest condolences @Nozinan - I don't have a CC but will certainly raise something special in his memory. Stay strong my friend.

@Nozinan I am very sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathy.

@Nozinan, having had a recent loss in our family can fully appreciate what you are going through. A very sad time indeed, our thoughts are with you. Reflect back on the good memories, they seem to help a lot. Jonesz

@Nozinan Deepest condolences to you and your family.

Very sorry for your loss @Nozinan. Deepest sympathies to you and yours. May the good memories of your father comfort you in time.

@Nozinan I offer you my deep sympathy. Share the good memories with family and friends... I hope it will do good as it did for me.

Sincere condolences Nozinan - may your family and yourself recover from the grief w speed and fond memories

Sincere condolences Nozinan. I know how it feels to lose a parent too soon and unexpectedly. Hold onto the best memories. I don't have any CC at the moment, but I will have a dram of Wiser's Legacy and give a thought to you and yours.

Thank you, @paddockjudge and everyone else for these kind words and for your thoughts.

The last week has been a difficult one, made worse, I think, because my father was receiving the very palliative care that I provide in my practice. Thankfully he had an excellent doctor (a colleague of mine).

Because of stress, I have found it difficult to concentrate on things for long periods of time, and at many timed I've needed some sort of distraction. Reading books and TV shows have not been easy. I have found coming to this site has helped in some ways (each post is short and quick to read) to allow me to distract myself when I needed to, without the need to invest too much energy at any one time.

@paddockjudge is correct... I'm not ready to have a drink yet. I'm not ready to allow myself to really delve into a favourite and enjoy it anyway. Even the most amazing flavour would be tasteless to me right now. But that's not why I mentioned that to him.

I would caution those reading further to note that I speak as a lightweight, and that I have a very low physical tolerance for alcohol. Furthermore the opinions expressed are about personal concerns, and are not meant to apply to others in other circumstances.

I've only been drunk once in my life, at my bachelor party (even then I alternated water with beer/shot/etc... and successfully avoided a hangover), and I was distressed by the loss of control I had of my emotions. I don't want to experience that again right now. I fact, I don't even like to feel a buzz. Luckily I drink whisky in such small amounts or over such a long time that I have avoided these feelings up until now.

The other thing is that, as we know, alcohol can be relaxing in moderation. Frankly, I am afraid that having a drink or two at this time will make me feel a lot calmer and less stressed out, and that I will like feeling this way, putting me at risk of future misuse of alcohol. I really like enjoying whisky, and I would hate to be in a situation where I couldn't enjoy it responsibly in the future. I'm probably overestimating the risk, but simply put, I don't trust myself.

Our family's mourning period officially ends Friday at supper. Obviously my personal journey in bereavement will be a longer one.

I am hoping that I will be able to get away from my parents' home long enough this week (we stay at the home during the day to greet people paying their respects) to buy a small bottle of Canadian Club, so that my brother and I can toast my father's memory on Friday night, IF (big IF) we're ready. The last time I tasted it was probably in the 1970s when I sipped it (on ice) from my father's glass. I wonder if it will taste the same.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Thanks again for the show of support. It's a nice reminder that behind our "handles" we recognize each other to be fellow human beings.

Touching words @Nozinan and my sincerest condolences also reiterating what has already been said by all the fine malt mates here. Sorry for your loss @Nozinan and as you know, I fully understand what you are going through. Good luck this Friday and onwards on your journey.

Tonight my uncle, brother and I cracked my 200 cc bottle of Canadian Club. It says premium on the bottle but I think this is as close to the same expression as I'll get to what my father drank when I was a kid in the 1970s.

I put 2 ice cubes in each glass and poured generous pours (I think we used 100 cc total).

We toasted my father, and we proceeded with our family Friday night dinner.

It smelled and tasted like what I remember from 35 years ago. I won't say I liked it, but it had a nostalgic familiarity to it. I took a few sips and put my glass next to my father's photo, which stood behind a memorial candle.

My "dry spell" is temporarily interrupted. I don't know when I'll be back in full form yet, but I was able to honour my father in this small way.