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Balvenie 17 Year Old DoubleWood

Flatter than My Bottom

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@BlissInABarrelReview by @BlissInABarrel

10th Feb 2013


Balvenie 17 Year Old DoubleWood
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I just want to say that I feel very bad for a giving a low score for this product because I'm a big Balvenie fan. I love the 12 Year Double Wood...I think the Balvenie Tun 1401 Batch 6 is stunning, etc...and I respect the master distiller, David Stewart, a lot. From my understanding, he was the guy who basically invented cask finishes and has been in the whisky business for over 50 years. So hats off to him for being a badass-and-a- half and inspiring other companies to experiment with cask finishes as well. I must add that I respect Balvenie as a whole because it is still family owned, and they don't need financial backing from a corporation to sell their products. So, yes, I respect them a lot!!!

When Balvenie first launched, David indicated that the company wanted to make scotch to gear towards women. As a result, Balvenie has the tendency to be light and on the sweet side.

The first time I took a sip of this, which was last month, I thought it was flat. I thought, "Hmm...Maybe it's because I sipped the Balvenie 30 Year first...and that was very flavorful. So, it's just bad to go from something robust to a lighter drink...It's like eating a chocolate cake and then biting into a strawberry. The strawberry just tastes super sour as a result of eating the chocolate cake."

Anyway, I sipped the Balvenie 17 Year again the other day and I had the same reaction. I was reminded of my sister laughing at me and saying, "You're like Mom--just so flat chested!" and all I could think was, "Aw dammit! I can't believe a slightly chubby 12-year-old boy has bigger boobs than me!" Then, I think of this drink and I think it's actually flatter than me. I know, this is probably a very offensive review...so sorry for that...but I had high hopes for this product because it's 17 years of age and it's roughly $100.

It's like going on a blind date and seeing someone really hot in front of you and then learning that after 2 seconds that this hot person is vapid and boring...like I'd actually have a more interesting dialogue between Siri from my i-Phone than the hot guy in front of me. That's what this drink is. It has nothing to offer and it's one-sided. The aroma is subtle, and the flavour doesn't go anywhere. It's just very light and bland. If I wanted something light, I'd douse vodka with water and call it a night. I tried to add a few drops of water to see if it would change, and it just tasted worst; it was just bitter with subtle hints of tropical fruit. I couldn't revive it in any way.

So, yuh....for it's price point, I don't think it's worth it. I'd buy it if it were $20. :/ Sorrrrry for that!

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WhiskyBee commented

@BlissInABarrel -- insightful, hilarious review! I may have liked the DoubleWood 17 better than you, but we're in agreement on the "bland and overpriced" business. I probably liked it a bit better than the 12 yo, but it's not $65 worth of "better."

11 years ago 0

Victor commented

@BlissInABarrel, it is always best to tell it like it really is. Good review.

11 years ago 0

BlueNote commented

Yeah, thanks Bliss, I'm with @victor; tell it like is is, it's a favour to the rest of us to know this before we go out and pop $100 + for a dud. It really is a bit of a crap shoot unless you have actually sampled the whisky yourself, or there is a positive or negative consensus of reviews to guide you. Thanks for the heads up.

11 years ago 0

Rigmorole commented

Hilarious title. After reading the review, however, I'm confused. Are you referring to the flatness of your bottom or your "boobs"?

Speaking of which, anthropologists came up with a rather unorthodox theory a few decades ago that womens' breasts are actually meant to remind prospective suitors of their bottoms.

Seriously, I'm not making that factoid up. It's a theory that is still maintained by a large percentage of anthropologists to this day.

What's more: human females are the only species of primate with full breasts BEFORE nursing a first child. Every other species of ape is flat chested before becoming pregnant the first time.

So, in a way, I suppose it doesn't matter whether you were referring to buttocks or breasts. . . .

11 years ago 0

BlissInABarrel commented

Hahah! Thanks! I know it was confusing but I meant to day flatter than my boobs as the title biutnthen I was afraid the creators of connosr would kick me off from a title like that so I just put "bottom" instead. I should have just jumped the gun on that one and put boobs in my title. Thanks for the feedback everyone

11 years ago 0

NilsG commented

Being a "flat" chick, you filter out "boob guys" hitting on you at bars for the wrong reasons. That's a good filter!

Being a flat whisky, you filter out "whisky lovers" who wants a drink for the right reasons. That's a bad filter!

11 years ago 0

gibbsjim commented

I was very disappointed in the 17 year old Doublewood. I have been a big Balvenie fan since the days of The Classic but this scotch really is too light with hardly any typical Balvenie flavor. The 12 year old Doublewood when launched to replace the Classic was just a heck of a great scotch and far better than the 17 yr old. Of all the 17 year olds produced this is the poorest of them all. I'll take the Signature and the 15 yr old Single Barrel over this one any day. Throw in the Springbank 15 yr old in there as well.

11 years ago 0